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Mothers day – 2024

Today is Mothering Sunday – this is the day when we traditionaly celebrate our mothers. For my children this is more of the day to remember – to recall memories of their time with Mary their mother. Some Photos of Mary with her babies!

It’s also a day when I can remember my own mother and mull over memories associated with her.

Back to Mary. It’s now just over a year and two months since Mary left us in the most unexpected way. We all knew that Mary was very ill and needed a Liver Transplant and had a few other associated medical conditions – so her prospects were not that good. But I for one did not think that she would leave us so suddenly. I knew that she had Esophageal varices and this is a condition that comes with very serious risks. This was to be the thing that caused her to pass. It was like a ticking time bomb but as time passed from the time of diagnoses I guess the risk seemed to be less prominant. The prospect of a liver transplant was a huge cause of increased hope of a better quality of life – but the ticking time bomb would still remaine.

Lately I have been reading about a book called “More about Heaven” – this book reviews a lot of evidence about heaven based on the various bible texts that provide information about it.

It is impossible to summarise this book but this is the point that has spoken to me having read it. The author talks a lot about “Present Heaven” in relation to heaven as it is now. Christ said on the cross to the thief that “today I will be with you in Paradise”. Paradise is Present Heaven. But this is a staging post on our journey to Final Heaven – which is the post resurection heaven. We are told that when Christ comes back for his church that there will be a new Heaven and a New Earth.

So from this the propect is that after death we will be in present heaven – if we have faith and belief that Jesus Christ came to this earth to save sinners. This is something that both Mary and I came to believe when we were fairly young in different circumstances. That makes a difference to our eternal destiney.

It also occurs to me that the transition from this earth through the door of death to Present Heaven would be an instant transition.

In Present Heaven we will be re-aquanted with our friends and family who have gone there before. What a remarkable prospect that it. I have a few people I am very much looking forward to seeing again. Top of my list is Mary of course.

We have a prospect of existing in a completely different body in Present Heaven but also to be aware others who are also there.

I expect that we will not be taking some aspects of life on earth with us there – no bodily illness and of course there will be no sin. These are profound thoughts which need some unpacking. Suffice to say that being in Present Heaven will be quite a different situation to life on earth.

Of course none of this lessens the pain of grief – grief is something that those of us who are left behind have to bear whilst living on earth. But when we move on ourselves to Present Heaven we will be reunited with loved ones and never want to come back to this earth which is less than perfect. I think thay grief as we know it here will be history – what a prospect…..

Memory Jogger

Just had a 11 year ago memory come up on my facebook account – here is the photo

This is one of the “cottages” that Mary found for one of our February weekends breaks with friends. We did this for many year usually with our group of 6. When I saw this photo it did bring a tear to my eye – not because its a bad memory – its a great memory. See bottom right corner of ther photo that is Mary and Morag, taking it in!!!!!

We did not occupy the whole building – just the flat to the left of the front door – that is the one with the 4 tall windows. It was quite amazing and we have a super weekend – all four of us on this occassion. Morag and John, Mary and me. All three of them have passed on and I miss them all – but of course I particularly miss Mary. Life is in a new rythmn without these people.

I cannot help ponder about the time we will be together again in heaven. That is a hope that keeps me going these days…….

Ist Anniversary Marys Funeral

A year ago today we laid Mary’s body to rest at Kemnay Kirkyard. We did this after a celebration of her life and everything that she was.

I am sure that peoples experience of Mary was unique. For me that is certainly true. As I reflect on my life I see the massive impact Marys presence had on me – always a positive influence, supportive, encouraging, caring, loving and always seeing the good in any situation. I could always rely on Mary to put a positive spin on any situation – what a privilege it was to have her positive influence in every situation that we encountered.

I feel that what was said at here funeral was a fitting tribute to her and all she achieved. Although I miss her every day – I also remember her everyday – I remember that rich legacy of good memories that she left in her wake.

I will remember her today by watching the recording of her funeral service which I have not done since that day – one year ago.

“Miss you Mary but looking forward to seeing you again some day”

Update:

Did the above and watched the funeral recording. Suffice to say that after exeriencing many emotional moments I ended watching it with a smile on my face and felt uplifted. The last image in the video is the one above – I just felt Mary was smiling at me and that made me feel good so I smiled back at her.

The Last First!

Today is the 3rd of January so tomorrow it will be 12 months to the day since Mary passed. This should (according to my logic) mean that having been through a full year cycle, there should be no more “firsts”. Firsts have prooved to be significant triggers for feeling acute grief and that acute sence of loss. To be fair it does not only take a “first” for me to feel that overwhelming feeling that comes when I just miss Mary. So I do not expect that I will never feel that way again. Let’s face it just take a thought/memory to rouse a sense of miss and loss. I realistically do not expect that this will go away with this passing of this anniversary. At this point I want to quote the following again.

I came across those words early in my time of loss and it does have a positive message which encourages us not to focus on the sense loss which we feel but rather to focus on the good memories that come from having known and lived with life with Mary. In a family context that includes times of cuddles and times of verbal correction and moments when Mary/mum was concerned for us and supported us but said nothing (because she judged that words were not what was needed at that time to improve the situation) – all this makes us who we are today.

So in this post I will mention some of the good memories I feel I can share. There is so much I could mention but a mere blog post is not the mechanism to do that justice. Please do not feel forgotten if you can think of some impact that Mary made that I have not mentioned.

The Good Memories

As I think back I realise that I cannot list every good memory – there is not space here for that. So much of our life together was good in so many ways. Even the memory of going through difficult times since knowing Mary are good because she was always an amazing support and lightened the load that difficult situations caused. Mary had a remarkable ability to be a support to people that she met during her life journey.

Here are a few good memories,

  1. First Date
    The evening we went on our first date. I suppose any first date is special – but there was something very natural about this first date. I cannot speak for Mary, but for me it just seemed that this was going to be a long-term relationship. On that occassion I collected her from her home in Peterhead and then we attended a youth social evening in Fraserburgh – I then took her back home again at the end of the evening. We then continued to meet regularly although we lived about 20 miles apart. Distance was no object and from early in our courtship we visited each others homes and were accepted by our respective parents. It just seemed to be effortless and forever.
  2. Getting Engaged
    About 6 months into our relationship we were on holiday in Galashiels and where walking down Princes Street in Edinburgh. When passing a Jewllers shop we looked in the window. (before heading of on holiday I had drawn money from my savings account – unknown to Mary – my plan was to suggest we get engaged) I had infact drawn most of my savings but it was enough to pay for the ring we saw and Mary chose. We decided not to announce this immediately but agreed that we where destined to be together we were at one with this. It was some 3 months later that we announced to both our parents, at the same time, that we intended to be engaged. Marys dad suggested that I should ask his permission – I did this, and he agreed. We went public the following day when Mary was brides maid at her brothers wedding. For the next three years I was a student studing Offshore and Mechanical Engineering. I was in Aberdeen and we met at weekends with a phone call mid week. There were no mobile phones in those days!
    I was in digs in Aberdeen in a house where ther was a public telephone installed in a lobby cupboard which was filled with the household family’s shoes…… To make a call ment breathing in the smell of this pile of shoes – which is something I have not smelled since…..
  3. First Married Years.
    After finishing my first degree we decided to be married before I started a post graduate course to become a teachers of Technical Education. We lived in a rented flat in Union Grove in Aberdeen – Mary was the breadwinner as a telephone worker and between her salary and my very small grant we were able to pay the rent and feed ourselves. At this time we were very happy – I remember our shopping trips to Liptons on Union Street and walking back home together with our weekly stores in hand – it must have been a mile long walk but we could not affort to take a buss – we were young and fit!. We did that for the two years of my course. During that time Mary worked at the telephone exchange full time and the was promoed to an admin post in the Post Office an office on Union Street. Mary supported me 100%, she even used a typewriter I gave her as a Christmas present to type my major assignments so we did not have to pay to get that done. On reflection we were such a good team. We were totally content with our lot and never felt the need to go out on the town – a weelky treat might be to get an box of icecream from the corner shop and watch a program on our 14″ TV!!!! But we were happy together and neither of us complained about our lot!!!!
  4. Three good memories in one!!!
    When we moved to Galashiels for me to start my first job as a teacher we had to signup for the local GP Surgery. We did this and a few week later Mary announced to me that she has seen the doctor to have some tests and it was positive – she was pregnant with our first child (Fiona). ( there were no DIY pregnancy tests in those days). That has to be one of the most memorable moments – we shared so much joy and anticipated the moment that Fiona would be born in the Maternity Unit – Eastern General Hospital in Edinburgh. I remember to this day holding her hand and feeling helpless to lessen the pain she endured during the birth. Mary never stopped smiling and never suggested that she did not want to be there despite the pain and discomfort.
    The subsequent arrival of Linda and then Philip in Abedeen were equally unique and special. As we lived “away from home” we had to work as a team to get through pregnancy and to manage the early days of baby hood. We agreed that I would do the night shift as I was away from home working during the day. So that included feeding and changing nappies as necessary ( real ones ) and also providing consolation if needed. These thee products of our life together were our finest achievement – Mary loved each of them in a very special way.
  5. Two Marriages
    I am so happy that Mary and I we were able to attend the weddings of Fiona and Richard and Philip and Laura together.
    Those were two very special days for both of us and we delighted to plan and support these two couples as they setup their homes and started to build their lives together.


  6. Two Graduations
    Together we also saw Fiona and Linda graduate from their academic studies as a Pharmicist and Youth Minister respectively. Those were both very proud parent days indeed. Philp opted not to follow an academic course, instead he started work as a car salesman -this is a job he has excelled at and continues to progress with.
  7. Family holidays
    We had many special times on holiday in a borrowed trailer tent and then using our own one – I don’t think camping was Mary’s first choice but she always showed enthusiasm it to give our family the best holiday times – she adapted to the basic way of life in the Trailer Tent and supported everything we did. Bottom line is that in those days we did not have the money to do more – but every holiday produced happy memories – I think we all enjoyed those times together – there was no oven in the tent but Mary planned to use our Club pans lined with aluminium foil to heat pies etc – we had some very good meals cooked by Mary on our two gas rings in the tent kitchen. She was always able to adapt and adjust to circumstances. She so loved our later holidays in our caravan which offered some more comfort in our later years.
  8. Holidays with friends
    were always so enjoyable with Mary usualy introducing some mischief from time to time. Vibrating spiders in peoples beds, turning up the sheet to shorten leg room and sewing people jacket sleeves. These things and more always made our holidays fun filled – Mary was always the source of fun and frivolity. People came to expect these these behaviours and loved every minute even if they were the target of her mischief.

(Now its 9.30am on the anniversay of Marys passing, the 4th January – (at this time one year ago the Paramedics where still on site trying to sort out a death certificate without the need for Marys body to taken to a hospital). I have plans to keep busy with a list of things to do and intend to review this post at the end of the day.)

Now its 8.30pm – just had dinner with some family members and now on my own listening to Alison Krauss ( Till I gain control again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPexiProLhs)

So back to my thoughts.

Good memories as I said were things that Mary wanted to make – this is something that she focused on after her medical condition had developed to the point that she was told about and untreatable condition that could be fatal at any time. She put so much effort into planning events that acheive this goal. ( check this song my current background music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pebeyj3qfFQ&list=RDGMEMYQNnkCeucvXPZmorerFbHg&index=2 )

Boats!!!
Mary was not one for boats and would run a mile rather that get on one. But she agreed to get on a ferry to travel to Norway for holiday with our friends David and Lorna whilst David was working there ( this was well before her illness was diagnosed). We had the most beautiful trip accross – but the trip back was in the midst of a force 9 gail crossing the North Sea – Mary was not well on during that trip home. She always said that if we made that trip again she would fly and I could take the ferry with the car 😉 During that holiday we were on a few ferry’s which she did not like – but she did it so that the rest of us could enjoy…..

This makes the next group of memories all the more remarkable.

7 The Group of 6

We formed a group of friends to be know as the group of 6. This consisted of the Rentons, Gorvetts and us, the Buchans.

We met for a social event – an evening of a meal following by general chat and a game of Pictionary. This seemed to be a hit and there was much fun and laughter. This led to a few holidays to hotels and then Mary decided we could do better by going to a self catering house (this made good ecomomic sense). She then coluded with the other two girls to setup our first break away to a self catering cottage. The men did not know where we were going ( this was to became a hallmark of Mary’s organisational style – always a sense of mystery) – we had to just follow Mary’s directions – the element of surprise was always in there somewhere. There was much fun and laughter and we were set to follow this model for many future holidays.
Mary then took into her head that we should go on a Cruise!!!!! Remember the ferry trips above! However, we agreed it was a good idea and booked a Med cruise on the Thomson Spirit (not an upmarket cruising experience). I will always remember our first sail away from the port of Plama – that was so much fun. I recall how Mary seemed to notice every sound and vibration on the ship – the Thomson Spirit was a diesel fulled ship and quite noisy compared to more modern cruise ships.
(Listening to this now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVgIRfe57hU&list=RDGMEMYQNnkCeucvXPZmorerFbHg&index=5 )

This would lead to a series of bi-annual cruises on a few of the major cruise lines.

We had too many happy memories to recount here – I recall that any time the boat would start to rock Mary would head down to our cabin to lye down until the seas calmed again. Despite her proness to motion sickness Mary was always keen to organise the next good Cruise deal. Everyone of these holidays was a major highlight and more importantly resulted in a very deep and enduring friendship between the group of 6.

One thing that Mary instigated was to have some fun with our table waiters at the end of each cruise. It was a custom that the waiters would not just serve but would interact in a very light hearted manner – tell a joke or do a card trick. Mary sought out “Love Meters” and “You Jimmy” tartan hats to present to our table staff at the end of the trip. This was so much fun and we have the photos to prove this.

8 Family Holidays
In the last few years Mary also instigated some family holidays where she would find a suitable house that could accomodate our whole family under one roof. That includes Richard and Fiona, Linda, Philip and Laura and their family Aria and Murray ( Ada never had the chance to experience one of these holidays as she was still a baby when we did the last one).

We did three of these holidays and each time the family did not know where they are going untill the last moment. We had some wonderful times and certainly created very good memories. One notable day out was to visit the East Lothian Museum of Flight and to board Concord there. Mary so enjoyed seeing the kids faces as they saw the size of the aircraft and were able to go onboard Concord.

Just before she passed, Mary also planned a family holiday which she was not able to attend. We managed to figure out where she had booked by going through here email account and went ahead with it without her. We had a lovely time although I think we all missed having Mary around ( I am sure we all had our own times of reflection). The following photos were taken in the last two family holidays that Mary arranged.

At East Linton 2021 and at Grantully 2023

This post is now too long and its getting late. So I will stop for now. I will continue to enjoy these memories that Mary was focused on creating. Life is different now – but I am the person I am today because of my life with Mary and all we did together. I find it impossible to find a few words to express my lasting impression of Mary – but suffice to say that she made an impression on everyone she met – as for me we were trully one from the day we were married. I could not imagin a better person/soul to have spent my life with and will continue to enjoy the good memories of our time together. I am so fortunate to have her in my life and look forward to meeting again on the other side. Check the following song which I chose to be played as her coffin was taken out of the church at the end of her funeral. I can only imagine what that reunion in heaven will be like.

Till we meet again !!!!